"About This Life" (Acts 5:20) #6
In the silent love of contemplative
prayer I hand myself over to Jesus "as an offering to be purified and
transformed" (CCC 2711). Hence, in the ongoing, transformational,
contemplative journey from "glory to glory" into the true humanity of Jesus
(the image of Jesus' humanity), the Spirit will reveal to me my false self that
militates against authentic communion with God and others. This deceitful,
false self must be put to death within me.
The very real, self-centered tendency
of my false self may include unexamined emotions, instincts, impulses, cravings
and fantasies that both deceive and enslave me. This disordered
self-orientation may also include a tendency towards the controlling of others,
competition, jealousy and envy, anxiety, gluttony, sensuality and pride. Very
often it is the case that I have lived with my unexamined, false self for most
of, if not all of, my life to the point that I believe erroneously that it is
simply my authentic self. As a result I may have too often overlooked and
even justified my false self to the point of mistakenly trying to find truth
and life in it.
Thankfully, at a certain point early
in the contemplative journey the Spirit begins to purify my false self.
Something must die within me if the new is to be born. I have a share with
Jesus in the paschal mystery of his dying and rising. Purification and
revelation are a process of dying and rising. Space must be made within me for
the truth, for God's reality to come through. A healthy, daily asceticism is
also called for as a way of cooperating with the Spirit's cleansing activity
within me.
Jesus reminds us in The Gospel of St.
Matthew, that "whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself"
(Mt. 16:24). As I am called away from my false self--as I let go of my former
self enslaved by inordinate attachments, distorted attitudes, prejudices and
perspectives--a new self begins to be exposed to me: My true, core identity who
is Jesus begins to rise from within me. The Catechism of the Catholic Church
states that "contemplation is a gaze of faith, fixed on Jesus...this focus on
Jesus is a renunciation of self. His gaze purifies our heart"
(CCC 2715). In this ongoing process of
becoming more and more the one whom I gaze upon in love, Jesus, I am freed of a
former, false self I was once enamored with. This process of purification is
actually an experience of the God of love Who is preparing me to become His
Heart for the world!
Scriptures: John 12:24; Eph. 4:20-24; Col. 3:
1-5
Questions:
1)
Do
I have an awareness of an aspect (or some aspects) of my false self? If so, am
I practicing a daily asceticism to come against it?
2)
Am
I becoming aware of an aspect of my new, true self rising within me?
