"About This Life" (Acts 5:20) # 7
It has already been stated that
contemplation is a "transformative gaze": I become the one whom I behold in
this gaze of silent love within my heart. This transformation involves a
process of conversion into and discovery of my true self which is Jesus: "Him
whom my heart loves" (Songs 3:2). Serious contemplation will always involve a
process of dying to a false self and a rising into awareness of my true self.
In Hosea 11:1 the Lord speaks through
the Prophet, "When Israel was a child I loved him, out of Egypt I
called my son." Because God loves
me so intensely, He calls me out of "Egypt"--out of the childish, immaturity of
my false self with its poor, sinful, compromising choices--into the full
maturity of spiritual manhood. As St. Paul states in 1Cr.13:11, "When I was a
child, I used to talk as a child, think as a child, reason as a child; when
I became a man, I put aside childish things." This "man" is Jesus fully alive in the Spirit
within me! God is always calling forth the "true Son", Jesus, from within my
humanity. Hence, there is a need for both my mind and heart to be reformed
if I am to recognize and respond to love. God is love--the most dynamic
communion of intense, relational love. Because God is goodness and holiness
itself, my relationship with Him will always be one of "transforming" love.
For, He wants me to be like Himself.
The first real step towards growth in
my true identity can only come about by allowing the holy Spirit to reveal my
sinfulness to me. It is in the light of his love for me that my sinfulness is
revealed. My sin should always be situated within the context of a personal
love relationship with my loving, Heavenly Father. The more intimately and
personally aware I become of God's love for me, the more my sense of sinfulness
is revealed. I need to pray that the Spirit will reveal my sins to me if I
truly desire to know myself.
If I really could know how much God
loves me, I would be intensely aware of my sinfulness. I need to see what God
sees for God alone sees my sinfulness for what it truly is: A choice against
love. Sin is a disappointment to God. I need to feel this within. The blindness
of my unbelief must be pierced by the light of God's loving truth. For, there
are areas in my heart where I am still not truly free--not truly
myself--because Jesus is not lord for me there yet. In these parts of my heart,
I have not humbly acknowledged sin! Hence, I am not yet experiencing the truth
of God's love for me there yet. Only the truth, Who is Jesus, can set me free!
Scriptures: Is. 6:1-8; 2 Cr. 7:10; Rom. 2:4
Questions:
1)
Have
I begun to beg the holy Spirit to reveal my sinfulness to me?
2)
Is
sin only a moralistic examination of conscience without any reference to a
personal relationship with God for me?
